Expand your personal and parenting circle by addressing your internal biases and building more authentic, open-minded relationships through this activity offered by the Greater Good Science Center.
Reflection Before the Practice
You might consider making use of these practices before or after engaging with this exercise: Affirming Important Values or Mindful Self-Compassion for Adults.
Before you complete the practice below, pause, take a few deep, conscious breaths, and consider the following:
Am I ready to explore personal biases and take a courageous step towards reducing such biases? If so, how will I navigate feelings of vulnerability if they emerge? If not, what might I do to get myself ready?
Instructions
Overview
Forming new connections can require courage. Research indicates that people are often afraid that their conversation partner will not enjoy the conversation or lack conversation skills, which can make such encounters challenging and/or unpleasant. In fact, our anxieties about meeting other people are heightened across different social-identity groups (i.e., race, gender, age, ethnicity, political orientation, etc.). Researchers have also found that people generally think that out-group members (i.e., people who appear different from them) do not want to connect. At times, we also feel anxiety about how we will be perceived by others (e.g., we worry about being seen as racists or being stereotyped ourselves). This practice is designed to help you practice courage in pursuing a connection with someone who you may typically avoid.
- Take a moment to reflect on three types of people you usually avoid based on appearance and stereotypes. For example, men in suits, Asian people sitting together at a mall, or people who support a politician you dislike.
- Go online, search for, and assemble three images that typify these types of individuals.
- For each of the three types of people, take a moment to reflect on the following questions:
- Are there any negative stereotypes that you have about these types of people? If so, what are they?
- Why do you avoid these groups?
- What misconceptions might you hold about these types of people?
- What impact do your beliefs about these types of people have on your relationships with the disliked group of people?
- What broader impacts might your beliefs and behaviors towards these types of people have in our larger society, if any?
- How might you benefit from trying to get to know these types of people better?
- How might others around you, or our larger society, benefit from engaging in this kind of reflection and becoming more intentional about getting to know people who have different backgrounds?
- Identify someone from your daily life who exemplifies each picture. Make an intentional plan to get to know them better.
- Depending on where you are, your plan could be to commit to having one short and friendly conversation with one or each of the individuals you identified or to spend time with them for a few hours over a couple of days. As much as possible, make your plan concrete. For instance, you should set a date for when you will approach the person, think through how you will approach them (e.g., will you extend an invitation for coffee or simply have a brief chat in the hallway?), and try to plan for any other relevant logistical details. For instance, if you end up or plan to take a substantial amount of their time, it might make sense for you to compensate them in some way (e.g., you might offer to pay for lunch or give them a small gift as a way to thank them for their time).
- Your goal should be to stay open-minded to learning a little more about them, without judgment, so you can be someone in our society who helps build bridges with others. Take it as an opportunity for personal growth; you might gain new insights or develop and strengthen your interpersonal skills.
- If you don’t have someone in your life who exemplifies the images you gathered, consider approaching a stranger at the grocery store or on the train, but be respectful of the person and their time. You should aim to enrich their life as much as your own.
- Before enacting your plan, write a short reflection predicting how you think the conversation might go — and identify any fears or concerns you hold. You might refer back to the initial questions which ask you to consider any stereotypes you might hold about individuals, and then commit to setting those aside for the interaction. Once you have done this, go ahead and set your plan into action.
Closure
- After each interaction, take a moment to compare what actually happened with what you anticipated would happen. You can use the following questions to reflect on the experience:
- Were there any discrepancies in how the interaction went versus how you thought it would go?
- How did you feel after the interaction?
- What was most challenging?
- What, if anything, surprised you about the interaction?
- What were the highlights of the interaction for you?
- What might you learn from this experience?
Reflection After the Practice
- Did you notice any changes in your perceptions of the groups you selected after engaging in this practice? Were your stereotypes accurate?
- How might you continue to practice courage in your interactions with others?
Practice adapted from Williams, M. T., Faber, S., Nepton, A., & Ching, T. H. (2023). Racial justice allyship requires civil courage: A behavioral prescription for moral growth and change. American Psychologist, 78(1), 1.
For the full activity, visit the original post.