Read this summary of Dr. Rick Hanson’s post to learn how to build inner strengths that help you grow as a parent and cultivate a positive environment for your kids.
What Do You Need?
THE PRACTICE: GROW A KEY INNER STRENGTH.
Why?
We all face challenges — whether external, like financial stress or relationship conflicts; physical, like illness or injury; or mental, like anxiety or low self-worth. Dealing with these issues requires resources, as our ability to heal and grow depends on balancing challenges with the tools we have to meet them. Here’s a helpful framework for building strength and navigating challenges with resilience.
How?
Resources can come from the world, your body, or your mind, and they don’t have to match the problem you’re facing. This focus is on inner strengths, like mindfulness, confidence, and self-compassion, which can help improve both your well-being and your surroundings.
1. What’s the issue?
Pick a specific issue to focus on, rather than a broad feeling like “life sucks.” If the issue is in your world or body, pay attention to how it affects you mentally, as you may not be able to change the situation, but you can control your reactions.
2. What psychological resource – inner strength – if it were more present in your mind, would really help with this issue?
This key question can be tricky, but these questions can help guide you toward an answer:
- What would make things better if you felt or thought it more?
- What would have helped if you had felt it more when the issue started?
- When the issue improves, what mental factors help?
- Deep down, what does your heart long for in relation to this issue?
Focusing on one or two key resources at a time is helpful, and sometimes you may need to develop an intermediate resource to reach the main one you need.
3. How could you have experienced this inner strength?
The first step of the HEAL process is to activate a resource in your mind so you can strengthen it in your brain. This may involve noticing a resource that’s already there or deliberately creating it by recalling past experiences, like drawing on determination from overcoming a challenge.
4. How could you help this experience of inner strength really sink into you?
To strengthen a resource in your mind, focus on enriching and absorbing the experience, which are the second and third steps of the HEAL process. You can also keep the issue in the background while focusing on the positive resource, allowing it to help you handle the issue more effectively.
Learn more about the HEAL process in Dr. Rick Hanson’s book, Resilient, or in this video on Taking in the Good.
Explore more articles and resources like this on Dr. Rick Hanson’s website.