Discover how self-love can help you build stronger connections with others and enhance your parenting experience in this article by Kelly Grimes, MSW, for Aspire Magazine.
“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” ~Brene Brown
Throughout my years of counseling, I have found that most people have a deep need to belong. Most of us want to connect in meaningful ways with other people in our lives and yet sometimes struggle to do so. This is particularly true for people who carry trauma. What I have also noticed is that many people have difficulty accepting themselves, which undermines their sense of belonging and fuels a pervasive feeling of not being good enough.
I am so grateful for Brene Brown’s ability to beautifully clarify the importance of self-acceptance in the process of fulfilling our profound need to belong. Instead of viewing self-acceptance as optional on this journey of life, we can now embrace it as essential to living a rich and meaningful life.
So how do we cultivate self-acceptance and feel a true sense of belonging? To start we need to bring awareness to when shame and not feeling good enough are triggered, and notice how we react to ourselves, and others when this occurs.
Recognizing situations that regularly trigger shame for us provides a wonderful opportunity to make empowered choices in how we want to respond rather than creating more disconnection with our defensiveness, aggressiveness or tendency to shut down.
The potential for not feeling good enough is ever present when we interact with others. Some common triggers include any time we compare ourselves to others, feel judged, criticized or jealous. If you are not familiar with how you react to having shame triggered, start to notice with curiosity and non-judgment the next time you feel defensive.
What happens in your body when you feel defensive?
How do you feel emotionally when this happens?
How do you behave when you are defensive?
The more awareness you cultivate when you are feeling defensive, the more understanding you will have about what is getting in the way of feeling connected to others. The more awareness you have of what triggers shame, the more self-compassion you will develop, which makes nurturing self-acceptance possible.
When we do not accept ourselves, we often limit how much we authentically express ourselves. As a result we do not feel a true sense of belonging with others because we are not being our true selves. The fear that others will find out that something is inherently wrong with us limits our courage to be vulnerable, which is key in the process of connecting.
The shame we carry around believing that something is wrong with us robs us of our confidence, self-worth and courage.
But what if we did not buy into the message that we are not good enough?
What if we refused to believe that limiting belief and instead embraced the infinite possibilities within us?
Imagine how different our lives could be if we chose to accept our authentic truth and beauty and made choices based on that empowering belief in ourselves instead of the limiting belief of our not enough-ness.
As Louise L. Hay reminds us, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Accepting ourselves is a powerful act of self-nurturing that improves our relationship with ourselves first and foremost, and also positively impacts every relationship in our lives, nourishing our deep sense of belonging.
Embracing self-acceptance will create ripple effects in your life and empower others around you to accept themselves – creating more and more sense of belonging in the world. The more you commit to authentically showing up in your life, the more you give others permission to do the same and the deeper your relationships become.
These ripple effects have the potential to heal the world!
May you embrace self-acceptance and nurture true belonging in your life and may you nurture peace in the world from the inside out!
Read the original article here.
For more by Kelly Grimes, visit her website.
Explore the Aspire Magazine website for more articles and resources like this.