This “seeing is believing” writing exercise is based on a technique known as attributional retraining that helps us change the way we think about our successes and failures. A study looking at college students (who commonly question their belonging due to a new social setting) found that attributional retraining helped reinforce feelings of belonging, which also boosted academic performance! In the study, students read stories from older students sharing their struggles. The students who read these stories then made a video sharing what they learned with younger students, sort of like passing down the knowledge. Over the next few years, these students reported a greater sense of belonging and well-being — helping them navigate the challenges with greater ease.
Finding your community as a parent can feel a lot like being the new kid on the block — it’s new and quite frankly, a bit frightening. But building your sense of community not only helps you feel supported, it also creates a solid foundation for your kids to grow and thrive! Let’s use the power of attributional retraining to help us find our people and develop that parenting village that strengthens the whole family.
- Think of a scenario when you felt like you didn’t belong. Maybe you’re the first out of your friend group that has become a parent, or the parents in your new parenting class didn’t invite you to join them. Write about the situation and how it made you feel.
- Now, imagine yourself as an expert. You’re the seasoned parent with three kids, seem to have it all together, and are friends with everyone and anyone. Think about why this new parent who feels like they don’t belong feels that way. The other parents may not have reached out, but did they introduce themselves? Think about what advice you would give them and write it down.
- Using that advice, write down three action steps you can take to better connect with others.
For more ideas on how to start developing friendships and relationships to build a community for you and your children, check out “19 Social Skills Activities for Adults” and “Finding Meaningful Friendships as a New Parent”.