Zero in on actionable steps within your control with this activity by Unabridged to drive meaningful changes for you and your kids.
Circles of Control
Circles of control is a visualisation tool that helps us to categorise different elements of our lives into separate circles, each representing the extent to which we have control over them. This is a way to identify and manage your thoughts, actions, and emotions, to focus on what you can control and let go of what you cannot control.
- The first circle represents things that are within our control: our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. We have the power to change these elements, and we can take actions to influence them, positively.
- The second circle represents things that are partially within our control – which we can take some actions to influence. These include things like our relationships, other people’s behaviour, work, and health.
- The area beyond them represents everything else – things entirely outside of our control, like the weather, the economy, the actions of others, and natural disasters. We have no power over these elements, and they are not influenced by our actions.
Here is an exercise to help you identify and prioritise your concerns.
Using the Circles of Control Model: An Exercise
Give yourself 10 minutes to take a sheet of paper and sketch out a diagram like this:
Step 1: Identify your concerns
List 3-5 worries at the moment – things that are causing you stress: work, relationships, health, finances; worrying about what’s going to happen, etc.
Step 2: Categorise your concerns
Divide your concerns into the three areas – in your control, influence, and ‘everything else’. Be honest. Do you have :
- Complete control over it? You can resolve it on your own without needing anyone else’s help. Put it under ‘THINGS I CAN CONTROL’.
- Partial control to influence the concern, or influence someone to affect the outcome. Put it under ‘THINGS I CAN INFLUENCE’.
- Or is it completely outside your control or influence? There is nothing you can do or say that could directly impact this. File it under “EVERYTHING ELSE…”.
Step 3: Focus on your circle of control
You can have the most impact here, so spend your time and energy on these.
- Identify an action(however small) you can take for each area/item.
- Take one action today, to instantly feel better.
Step 4: Expand your circle of influence
Identifying the things you can influence and taking action helps to expand your circle. For example, if you are concerned about climate change, you can reduce your carbon footprint and encourage others to do the same.
- Write down the steps you will take and exactly when you will do them.
Step 5: Let go of the rest
Finally, and most importantly: let go of everything else! I know for many of us (myself included) this can be “easier said than done”, however, it’s important to remember that allocating time and energy here doesn’t usually bring about positive outcome – it’s akin to a waste of energy.
- Strike through each item in the “Everything Else” area. If that feels too difficult – make a note beside each entry “not in my control” to remind you this is not something you can influence or control at the moment.
- Consider how it feels to let go of the things you have no control over.
There is no point in worrying about the things that you cannot control or influence. Instead, focus on the things that you can control, and take action to make a positive change.
Once you have an understanding of these circles, you can start to use them to manage any feelings of overwhelm, stress or anxiety.
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