This exercise by Dialectical Behavior Therapy helps you acknowledge uncomfortable feelings like guilt and shame, leading to emotional clarity and intentional parenting. Below, you’ll find a shortened description of the exercise. For the full version, check out the original post.
Introduction
Many of us try to avoid or push aside uncomfortable emotions (who has time for them, especially as parents?). But the truth is, challenging emotions are a natural part of life, and avoiding them can sometimes lead to unhealthy habits. This exercise offers simple steps to help you navigate these feelings, so you can respond with greater mindfulness and balance.
Instructions
- Think about an emotion that you’ve been having a hard time accepting. You can better identify this by remembering certain problematic behaviors in your day to day life. For example, you may fight a lot with your close ones. Think about what the underlying emotion behind this behavior is.
- Now, try to notice when this emotion arises.
- Take a few deep breaths, and observe the emotion. Think about what you’re feeling and the intensity of the emotion. Notice any bodily sensations you may feel. Try to be open to the emotion even if it is uncomfortable at first. After sitting with the emotion for a while, reflect on any changes. Think about any changes in the intensity or any new emotions that arise. Emotions are like a wave or cycle that is temporary and constantly changing.
- Next, observe how it feels to sit with the emotion rather than take the usual action. For example, if you usually lash out at others because you feel hurt, how does it feel to just sit with the emotion and not take action? Even if you still feel the emotion at the same intensity, this approach helps you not act on it impulsively. With practice, this emotion may become less intense and when you notice it coming on, you can develop strategies to help yourself calm down.
Worksheet
Download a PDF of the worksheet.
Watch the YouTube video that goes along with this exercise.
Check out other DBT Emotion Regulation exercises and resources on their website.