What it Self- Compassion?

It’s common to feel like you’re always falling short as a parent — whether you’re stretched thin juggling responsibilities or comparing yourself to the seemingly “perfect” parents you see on social media.

You might find yourself being overly self-critical, convinced you’re not doing enough or not measuring up. With self-compassion, you can acknowledge your struggles without judgment, giving yourself room to learn and grow.

Why it Matters

Self-compassion allows you to embrace imperfections, forgive yourself, and approach parenting with more patience and understanding. When you’re kind to yourself, you not only model resilience, but also set a positive example for your kids to treat themselves with kindness and care.

Feel S.A.F.E Again: The Power of Vulnerability

S.

Soften

When a vulnerability arises, whether it’s a feeling of sadness, anxiety, grief, anger, or shame, take a moment to gently soften awareness into that area of the body. At this point you are just resting your awareness into this area. If it helps you can say, “Breathing in, I am aware of this vulnerability, breathing out softening into it.”

A

Allow/Accept

We’re not striving to change this feeling, or make it any different, we’re just allowing and letting be. Acceptance doesn’t imply that you are okay with it or want it there, it’s simply acknowledging the reality of its existence. Here you are just saying to yourself, “allowing, allowing, allowing.”

F.

Feel into it with kindness

Now we have the opportunity to deepen our awareness and investigate the feeling. You may choose to put your hand on your heart or wherever you feel the sensation in your body. This applies love or kindness to the feeling which may shift it all by itself. The brain also has to map the sensation of the touch with is inversely correlated with mental rumination, turning the volume down on negative thinking.

E.

Expand awareness and wishes to all people

Whatever your vulnerability, it’s important you know you’re not alone. Feeling vulnerable is part of the human condition and millions of people struggle with the same source of vulnerability that you experience. But when we’re feeling vulnerable with anxiety, depression or shame, it becomes all about us, we need to also impersonalize the experience and get out of ourselves.

Now is the opportunity to make that realization real by imagining all the other people who struggle with this same feeling of vulnerability and to wish them all the same prayers that you just wished yourself.

For example, May we all feel loved, may we all feel a sense of safety and security, May we all feel that sense of belonging, etc…

Then see what you notice.

This acronym builds on the practice that Christopher Germer, PhD and Kristen Neff PhD use to cultivate self-compassion called “Soften, Soothe, and Allow”. For more by Dr. Elisha Goldstein, visit his website.